Friday, August 03, 2007

‘i wish that i could stay but you argue. in the press of every kiss, with your head upon my shoulder brings me back to the time when everything was happier…’

It is unfair that I label my boyfriend unromantic and lacking the ‘emotional’ gene. I felt like crying when at midnight, he came on our doorstep with vodka and chocolates and those cute puppy dog eyes asking for an explanation. But how could I give an explanation when I myself don’t know the answer? I thought I was sure, that I could live without him; yet again my logic has forsaken me.

He talked and I listened, he asked for answers I couldn’t give an answer to. I asked him to come near, I was feeling the cool midnight air and my hands were freezing. I tried to numb my feelings by downing the vodka but all I really I wanted was to hug him and hold him close.

‘Hey, come here.’ I told him over and over.

‘I won’t. I want answers.’

‘What?’

‘Do you still want the relationship?’

I was silent. Earlier I had asked for a cool-off because things had gotten a bit haywire. The relationship did more harm than ever, I was beginning to live up to my self-destructive nature. At least, that’s what I thought.

‘Do you still love me?’ he asked.

‘Come here.’ I motioned him to sit beside me, but he wouldn’t. Asshole! ‘I won’t answer your question unless you sit beside me…’ That was a threat and blackmail in one!

‘I won’t. Answer my questions first.’

I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood up, lost my pride in the process and hugged the jerk. He was stiff as if shock by the hug, and then I kissed him. I hugged him a million hugs and kissed him a million kisses but this time it was different… The whole moment was an explosion, I couldn’t let him go… I loved him too much.

And maybe we will have a million more love spats and fights, but in the end, all it takes is our love to save us.